Everytime I sell myself to you...

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Sun, 17 May 2009 19:47:06 GMT

Nevermind.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Sat, 16 May 2009 19:20:10 GMT

Life is good...

until I get flaked on three times in one week. What is wrong with you?

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Tue, 12 May 2009 17:24:50 GMT

Life is good.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 05:32:33 GMT

"You're like a carbon copy of me."

Yeah, I think I am, too.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 05:00:51 GMT

As a 1930s wife, I am
Superior

Take the test!

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Wed, 14 May 2008 23:10:22 GMT

All As and 1 Bs.
I did pretty awesome this semester, especially since I took 2 more classes than most students.

Unsure.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Tue, 13 May 2008 15:45:25 GMT

I have constant headaches lately. I think maybe it's my eyes. I've been reading a lot more than usual lately. I can see fine, really. But since I've started reading so much, I've been getting these awful headaches. I don't know. Maybe I need glasses. I hope not though.

The other day, I had a headache so I asked Gabe to get me some advil or tylenol. I told Gabe where we kept ours and he returned with a couple of pills that were blue, and I took them, not thinking much of it. About a half hour later, I was feeling rather sleepy, but I just assumed it was because it was because it was that time of the month. So I get ready to go to work. I'm gradually becoming very grouchy and can barely keep my eyes open. I still assume it's nothing and drive to work. I could barely keep my eyes open while driving. I'm lucky I made it there.

So I'm standing at work, wanting so badly to just lie down on the disgusting tile floor and close my eyes. I feel so faint. It dawns on me that those pills were blue, and my dad keeps a bottle of Tylenol PM on top of the microwave. The pieces fall together slowly. I call myself to ask about the bottle on the microwave and sure enough, it's Tylenol PM. I call Gabe and ask where he got the pills from he goes "Oh God, Leah! I'm sorry!" and starts laughing. I told my manager and she laughed too. The whole night I was loopy. I kept drinking mountain dew, pepsi, and coffee. I also had a 5 hour energy shot. By the end of my shift, I was wide awake and almost high.

Everyone thought it was hilarious. It was. That was Sunday, Mother's Day.

Yesterday, I worked 12-6. It went by so slow compared to Sunday. Maybe it's because I wasn't doped up. I don't know. I am glad I'm off today.

Gabe and I are going to start working out again today. I'm glad. I want to lose my stomache, a bit of my thighs and butt, and that's it. Then I'll be happy. I'd be happy losing just 5 to 10 pounds. I think that's a reasonable short term goal. Long term, I want to lose 15 to 20. But I need to make moderate changes to my eating habits in order to do so.

Erin Hatfield and I might become roommates. I don't know though. I'm financially unstable. Every time my bank account gets more than 500 dollars in it, something bad happens, and I lose my money. It's so hard to save with gas these days. And all these amazing concerts coming around. I see Death Cab For Cutie in about a month and The Swell Season (those lovely people from the movie Once) in September. Plus Weezer and maybe I'll go to Warped Tour. I don't know yet. Plus, Gabe and I want to go to the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame this summer because they are having a special exhibit on The Doors.

I just wish money would fall into my lap.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Sat, 10 May 2008 06:50:12 GMT

Never watch Vacancy. You'll regret wasting your time.

The Reading Diet

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Fri, 09 May 2008 04:35:38 GMT

I don't feel like this is much of a journal anymore. I don't write about my day really. I don't post more than a bunch of random events that do not connect with one another. I am not the way I use to be and I want to change that.

So I am changing here and now.

I woke up and watched part of the Ellen Degeneres show with my mom. Showered. Got ready. Prepared to go see Baby Mama with my mom for her Mother's Day present. When we got to the theater, it wasn't open even though the website said it would be. So instead, we went to eat at The Manchester, a restaurant my mom really likes. My food was awful. The chicken was dry and flavorless. I tried broccoli for the first time. I felt like I was eating grass. Every time I watch Rachael Ray, she makes me want to eat vegetables. I think that's why I'm eating things I normally wouldn't. I want to grow up. I want to cook things.

I came home from lunch and started reading The Time Traveller's Wife. It's rather good. This is the first book (besides a text book) that I've read since high school. I've been longing to read something since winter, but I've had such little time with school and all. It's nice to have days where I have nothing to do but read. And paint. As soon as I clean my room again, I'm painting.

I met Emily's new boyfriend today. His name is Andy. He's not awful. I actually like him. I guess I'm just still in shock that she and Drew are no longer together. I'm taking the break up harder than she is, but I knew it was coming. I'll adjust. I'm happy for her. She's one of my best friends and this guy seems nice. But I must admit, I was a bit offended when he insulted her music selections. We share the same music taste. I gave her those good bands to listen to. I hope he doesn't change her. I know he won't, unless she lets him.

I came home and watched TV with Gabe. Oh and I tried Seattle's Best Coffee because supposedly it's better than Starbucks. It was about the same honestly.

And now I'm about to go read some more of that lovely book, before watching The Golden Girls and going to sleep. Reading is my new diet. When I read, I become so involved in the plot that I don't feel the need to snack. It's nice. If this works, I'll write a book about the new "reading diet" and become famous. This is my post. This is my patent for that idea. Copy right 2008. Remember this date.

I hope, in future entries, these people and thoughts and events will become more uniform, like they use to be. I think this is just something I need to get back into the habit of doing. I need reflection.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:46:01 GMT

No more school for me until August.

This is a much needed break. Now I can paint, read, walk, workout, eat, and enjoy life.
I am off all this week and I needed it desperately.

I'm getting my hair cut today. Several inches off. I'm sick of my hair being this long. I want a medium-ish length.

I'm rambling. I just wanted to post that I'm out of school and couldn't be happier.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 17:01:18 GMT

I feel like crap. Mentally and physically. My allergies are in high gear. My nose won't stop running so I try to breathe out my mouth, which causes me to cough constantly because of my asthma. I switched hours at work with my mom today so I could go home early because I just feel that crappy. I kept coughing and I think customers were a little grossed out, even after I kept going "I'm not contagious. It's just allergies." Really, I could have used those extra six hours considering I received my first ever speeding ticket on Tuesday. I was pulled over by a State Trooper and received a lovely $130 fine. Since then, I haven't gone more than 5 miles over the speed limit, even on the freeway. It's just not worth the money, what little money I have anyway. Kmart can barely supply me with 12 hours a week. The payroll keeps getting cut more and more. I have a feeling we will end up closing sometime this summer.

My doctor says if my body continues to malfunction in this fashion, then I will have to receive steroid shots. Steroids make you gain weight, I believe and I am so, so fearful of gaining anymore weight. I think I'd rather suffer then be a size 11. I am just not good at finding clothing to fit my body like that.

Mentally, I am having some problems. I keep distancing myself from friends, and really, I don't think anyone cares. My old group of friends hardly invite me to do things with them anymore. I guess I'm just not that great or maybe I've offended people one too many times. Regardless, they all keep having outings that don't involve me and then I find out about them a couple days later when so and so say "where were you on that one day?" and I reply with a confused look. This has been going on awhile now, with the exception of yesterday (thanks Emily, and I'm sorry I couldn't go), and I guess I shouldn't make something out of it. I'm practically building something out of nothing. But it still irks me at how cliquey this group can be sometimes. Like the couples are too busy hanging out with one another and doing couple-ish things to care to hang with anyone else and the others are going into new relationships and will probably soon be like the others. By the end of this summer, I know I'll never see anyone simply because the only reason any of them came home from college was to hang with the others that were still here, and since the ones that are still here are going to that very college, no one is going to come home on weekends. They will all be at college, enjoying life, while the ones that are choosing the stay at home will stay at home and watch movies and talk about the good times before there was college and couples and whatever happened to that.

And because of this, I'll have to hang with Gabe more, and I'll get on his nerves even more than I already do, which will cause us to might even more than we do, resulting in him dumping me. So by the end of this year, I see myself friendless, jobless, and without love.

Yeah, I know, this is probably all in my head, but maybe it's real. Or maybe it's just the medicine, making me believe all these silly things. But in my head, they sound so likely. I don't know.

I guess I need to just deal and stop being so worried about the future. There are plenty of things I can do this summer that don't involve being around other people. I can paint. I can read. I can tan. I can watch TV. I can workout. I can walk my dogs. I can walk in the woods and look at trees. I can bake. I can clean. I can play my guitar. I can go to the mall and people watch. I can shop.

I'll figure things out. I just need to go to sleep. Goodnight and sorry for the rant.

This is probably the second stupidest post I've ever made...

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 05:10:14 GMT

But I feel the need to tell somebody about this.

I went to the Lush store today and bought a Cupcake facemask thing and it made my face smell like andes chocolate mints! And I actually like it. I am amazed by it actually. So I just had to tell someone and since it's 1 in the morning, there's no one to tell but my journal.

I'd like to apologize if this entry was a waste of space, but I'm not kidding. This is amazing.

Thanks Stacey, for telling me about Lush.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 06:46:23 GMT

im done trying to help people that dont want my help.

love blinds people.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:00:20 GMT

My famiy is going on vacation to NYC this year. This will be the first family vacation since I was in 8th. grade. I don't know how it will go, but I'm assuming it will be great. I've always wanted to go to New York City. The last vacation, we went to New York, but we stayed in the northern part, at Niagra Falls. Not so grand.

Also this summer, Jessica, Emily, Sarah, and I are staying in Jess's family's trailor in Tennessee for a few days, Emily and I are going on our wonderful road trip to Omaha, and the whole Z-unit may be going to some wonderful place together, like Myrtle Beach or even Florida. A couple of these trips are not certain yet, but the NYC and the Tennessee ones are.

Also, I'm seeing DCFC, and probably going to visit Carly because it's been nearly a year since I've seen her. I can't wait for this summer. A few more weeks of school, Gabe's prom, then final's week and it's here.

I hope Kmart can deal with the fact that I have a life because I'm going to be requesting off work a hell of a lot.

Schedule to think about:

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 19:09:44 GMT

Fall semester '08 schedule:

1. (ART 111) Visual Fundamentals 2D; Tuesdays & Thursdays 1:00pm-3:45pm
2. (ART 122) Drawing II; Mondays & Wednesdays 9:00am-11:45am
3. (ART 183) Images of America; Tuesdays & Thursdays 10:00am-11:15am
4. (ART 186) History of Asian Art/China,Korea,Japan; Wednesdays 7:15pm-9:55pm
5. (CSA 151) Computers, Computer Science & Society; Mondays & Wednesdays 1:00pm-2:15pm
6. (ENG 112) Composition & Literature; Tuesdays & Thursdays 4:00pm-5:15pm

Monday: Drawing II 9:00am-11:45am + Computers, Computer Science & Society 1:00pm-2:15pm
Tuesday: Images of America 10:00am-11:15am + Visual Fundamentals 2D 1:00pm-3:45pm + Composition & Literature 4:00-5:15pm
Wednesday: Drawing II 9:00am-11:45am + Computers, Computer Science & Society 1:00pm-2:15pm + History of Asian Art 7:15pm-9:55pm
Thursday: Images of America 10:00am-11:15am + Visual Fundamentals 2D 1:00pm-3:45pm + Composition & Literature 4:00pm-5:15pm

Why am I taking 6 classes again? Because I want to graduate at the time I originally planned on graduating which is the spring of 2011. Also, this schedule is very similar class and time wise with the semester I currently am in.
I hope this works.

This is pretty amazing.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:19:43 GMT

I'm going to see Death Cab For Cutie in June, and I have 3rd row seats! I am pretty amazed, especially since I just checked to see where we would be if I had gotten the tickets just 10 minutes later than I did, and we would have been in row 18.

I'm envious of myself. I've never had seats this good for a concert. Sure, I would have preferred to be in the third row for Bright Eyes, but this is just as good. I can't wait for June 14th!

Asthma,

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:07:16 GMT

it's what I got.

Good birthday:

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:55:00 GMT

Oil paints, brushes, and canvases.
I got an easel too. The cheapest one they had because I don't need much. Just something to keep me from painting on the floor. However, I did see this wonderful easel. I think it was called a French something something. Anyway, it was 90 dollars and I didn't want my mom to have to pay that much for an easel, especially after spending so much money on all my new art stuff. But I really loved it. I might buy it sometime in the summer, after I've cleaned out my room and rearranged a space for my paints.
This all happened on Monday.

Yesterday, we decided to celebrate my birthday. We went to Olive Garden. It was exactly like the commercials. We sat at a circlular table and shared bread sticks and salad. I told everyone how Carly had sent me a lovely birthday message that instructed me think of her everytime someone passed gas. I miss her. It was just a good time. Then Zach, Gabe, and I took my dogs for a walk to the park around ten. It was kind of chilly, but worth it.

Today, I had school, but I didn't mind going because I only had to go to English. I stayed after for a little while though and worked on my awful cardboard chair. Visual Fundamentals 3D is not my best subject. haha.
When I came home, my mom told me she was going to go get my cake. She wouldn't tell me where it was from though. I'm guessing Central Pastry, or at least, I'm hoping Central Pastry. Oh well. It's birthday cake. I'm sure I'll like it.

Before she left, the mail came and I got a huge envelope from Miami University. Inside that envelope was their book on financial aid.
Oh and a big, wonderful grant from the government for my college tuition next year. Yep, I got a teaching grant for next year. There are certain obligations but they don't seem too difficult. Just the basic remaining at a certain GPA and stuff. I also have to teach for 4 years at a low income elementary school. That's the only big thing. At first, I was thinking "Oh crap! Ghetto schools!" but after doing some research, I realize that some of the elementary schools in my own city were low income schools so I'm not so worried anymore.

Good things are happening. It must be because the weather is getting warmer.
This is my last teenage year and I love it already.
Happy birthday to me.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 19:21:18 GMT

Some days I care and some days I don't.
Some days I'm motivated, but most days, I'm not.
Today was one of those motivated to do stuff days, but it was killed by my Microbiology & Human Disease class. I hate germs.

Grades.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 19:48:36 GMT

My midterm grades were posted and I have all A’s and one C. I don’t really know why I have a C because I do all my work in my class. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that my professor is mildy retarded. Regardless, I am doing better than I thought. Sure, I’m stressed out all the time, but if I can just continue this for another month and a half, I will have succeeded in getting straight A’s.

But after this semester, I am never taking 18 credit hours again, unless I absolutely have to. Of course, this means that it may take 4 and a half years for me to graduate, but I can’t handle all the stress of school, friendships, and work. I’m too young for all that.

Another thing I’m stressed about is when I have to apply for Oxford’s BFA (Bachelor’s of Fine Arts) program. I am so, so worried I won’t get in, that I’ll get rejected. Of course, if I don’t get in the first time, I have one other try, but after that, if I still don’t get in, I’m screwed. I guess I shouldn’t worry about this since I’m a whole year or so from even applying for it. I guess I am still just afraid that Oxford will say the same thing that BGSU did; my style is too realistic and they want something more abstract. I am sorry, but I prefer realism over surrealism. I think things are beautiful as they are.

Well, I just wanted to update on my accomplishments. The weather is AMAZING today so I think I’m going to take my dogs for a walk. Bye. :)

Note to self:

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 03:34:21 GMT

Never take 18 credit hours ever again.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 14:07:18 GMT

I'm at a weird place in my life.

My life... such a soap opera.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 16:12:55 GMT

So, that guy. He dumped his girlfriend two days ago. He was thinking about things all day yesterday. He was taking forever to text me and all my friends were at work and I was extremely bored. So I went to the mall with Gabe.

Well, after I got done at the mall, I went to hang out with Sarah, Emily, and Chelsea. I get a text from him, saying he saw me and Gabe at the mall and I guess he got the wrong impression from it. So then he wouldn't answer when I called. I don't know where I stand with this guy or if I'm even standing at all anymore. But honestly, I'm thankful for all this. I feel nothing for Gabe anymore. Nothing at all. And it's so, so strange. So I'm glad I met this other guy, even though things aren't going to work out as planned. He really helped me realize there are other people out there. So I'm over Gabe. In a few days, I'll be over this guy and I'll enjoy being single for awhile. I start MUM next Monday. I will be able to focus on my school work. I will be able to enjoy my friends and if a boy happens to pop into the picture sometime, then that would be great. If not, then oh well. It will happen whenever.

I am slowly becoming more indepedent. I am thankful for all this little disturbances and disapointments. They are molding me.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 23:21:37 GMT

I have a lot on my mind right now and for once, writing isn't helping.

leah1sheltie@hotmail.com — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 23:25:19 GMT

I kind of have made a mess of my love life.
I dumped Gabe today.
For ever this time.

I was stupid to take him back. But I have been talking to a lot of people and they have all finally convinced me that it was the right thing to do. He and I aren't working out and there must be a reason for it not working.

On a second part, I've been talking to this other guy for about a week now and today he asked me if I liked him and I said yes and he told me he liked me too, but he couldn't leave his girlfriend. Oh, did I forget to mention he has a girlfriend? Yeah, he does. I guess that's an important part. I think we are just two miserable people that are rushing towards the next good thing that pops into our lives but are too scared to take it.

I think I really messed up the possibility with that guy though.
I don't know. I shouldn't have come on so strong I guess. I was trying so hard not to, but I guess I just really want someone to take the place of Gabe and I was hoping this kid could be my savior. I guess he's not though.

I really just want to take back all those words I told this guy. Rewind to the whole mystery of not knowing how he felt and not telling how I felt.

I have been listening to old break up songs all day today because of this. I think that January 6 will forever be a very important day in my life. And even though so many things are not going my way today, I know things will get better because next week I start my new college and there are still plenty of single men in the world, and I bet some of them go to MUM.

PS: This is my horoscope today... funny how well it relates: Although this may feel like a turning point, it's more of a readjustment. You might run into a roadblock and cannot continue in the same direction. But this isn't about abruptly changing course. Rather, it's about shifting your attitude. Try not to be so demanding of yourself or others. Pushing less can make everyone happier.